


No Questions Asked

by NeverOutOfTime



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: #AF Zine, A Fowl Mood, Artemis Fowl Fan Zine, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverOutOfTime/pseuds/NeverOutOfTime
Summary: Commander Trouble Kelp is preparing for a Recon initiation, which brings back several fond memories of times past. This year's recruits are very promising and he can't help but to get just a bit sentimental, especially when he has his best friend, Captain Holly Short, by his side.One-Shot. Post Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian. Also has a few spoilers for LEPrecon, Holly's initiation story that was found in the Fowl Files.Full work originally published in the Artemis Fowl fanzine, In A Fowl Mood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	No Questions Asked

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Author's Note: Here it is guys! The full version of my fic that appears in the Artemis Fowl fanzine, A Fowl Mood. This was an amazing experience and I'm thrilled to be getting back into the fanfiction scene. (Or at least trying too lol). Please consider looking into the PDF of the zine, as it is still available and supports the Make a Wish Foundation! Enjoy and Stay Fowl, friends! :D

_Phhtt… Phhtt…_

_It was not the force, but rather the shock of the impact that knocked Trouble a couple of steps forward, his right foot landing in the stream of water that branched off from the nearby river. “D’arvit,” He swore under his breath, feeling the water seep into his boot. He looked up into the trees, searching for his attacker, but there was no sign of Julius Root anywhere._

_As he sloshed over to a rock to empty out the water, Corporal Kelp mused over his next course of action. He’d just been tagged twice and there wasn’t any sort of warning. If he kept on going at this rate, he would surely fail the initiation._

_“You tag me before I tag you, and you’re in. No questions asked.” He muttered, getting to his feet. “So much for that now.” Trouble shook his head and rolled up the sleeves of his traffic uniform; suddenly he was very thankful for Haven’s controlled climate. He was not prepared for the humidity of the Amazon rainforest, but there he was, drowning in sweat with no way to cool off unless he either stripped or went for a swim in the river. Trouble wasn’t fond of either of those options, so he opted to deal with being hot._

_“Raaah raaah raaah!”_

_Trouble jerked his head up just in time to see a scarlet macaw take off out of the tree above him. The bird had startled him a bit, snapping him out of his sulking. Right. If he was going to make it into Recon, there was no time for lollygagging. He had to move._

“And I still got tagged six more times after that…” Trouble muttered, scrolling through his emails as he looked for one in particular. He really needed to sort through these things and get rid of all the junk. He swore that half of them had to be complaints from his brother or Foaly asking for a raise for a new project. As much as he’d like to do that, he had a limited budget that the Council had given him, and most of that was being put into getting new equipment for his officers. It had been three years since the Crash and they were still recovering, though recently things were finally looking up for the LEP and for the People in general. 

They had rebuilt, both in the physical sense and as a community, and Haven was thriving. A peace lingered around them now that Koboi was gone. It was a weird feeling, but it was honestly a relief. Sure, there was still crime and the typical commotion that came from living in a busy city, but that didn’t compare to the sense of impending doom that came along with having psychotic villains on the loose. Sometimes, Trouble had fears that one day they would have to deal with another catastrophe. That one morning he’d wake up to find that the lives of every fairy in Haven were at risk. He didn’t want that to happen again. Especially not while he was Commander; he’d had enough of that for one lifetime. But it was his duty to protect the People. If he was charged with stopping another fairy like Koboi, he would lay down his life in a heartbeat if it meant that Haven would remain safe. 

Trouble sighed in relief as he found the email he was looking for, the one with the names of the new Recon recruits and the location of that afternoon’s initiation. He opened it up to look at the names once more, when there was a single knock on the door. He didn’t respond, so the officer went ahead and let themselves in. 

“Hey Trubs, you ready to go? The recruits are in the hall. But I’m going to assume you knew that and you’re definitely not procrastinating. Come on, time to be professional.” 

He barely glanced up from the screen. “And they all just heard you call me ‘Trubs’. Who’s the professional one now, Captain Short?” 

Holly rolled her eyes and leaned over his desk, firmly placing her hands on it. "Well Trubs, I suggest you get a move on then. Don't want them getting too cocky." She winked a bit. "And may I say, we've got a great looking group out there. Ol’ Beetroot would be proud, I think. Maybe a bit worked up, but overall he'd be a fan of the progress." 

Trouble snorted as he stood from his desk. "They aren't in Recon yet, Holly. Though I will admit that this group does have the potential. Let’s just hope that these ladies don't break any rules today." He nudged his co-worker with his elbow as he walked to the door. 

Holly smirked, following after him. "Well, as long as a criminally insane elf armed with two goons and Tunnel Blue Spiders doesn’t attack us, I’d say there would be no reason to break any rules.” 

Commander Kelp finally cracked a smile and laughed at his friend. “I suppose you’re right, but that’s never stopped you.” He teased, stepping out into the hallway where six corporals stood waiting. They all snapped to attention as Trouble called out their names. 

Fern Nightshade. Mira Rowan. Aspen Bixby. Zinnia Maddox. Phoenix Terra. Maia Ember. Two elves, two sprites, a dwarf, and a pixie. An interesting little group for sure, but all of the young women were confident, had top marks in the Academy, and were of course a bit cocky as lot of initiates were. Trouble had high hopes for them, but that by no means mean that he would be going easy on them. He’d learned quite a few tricks from the late Commander Root and these youngsters were about to find out exactly what he could do. He’d heard the rumors. Commander Kelp was going soft. He was too… easy. Trouble was no trouble was one he’d caught wind of lately. He thought it was cute, honestly, that the youngsters thought he was losing his game. He’d set the record straight during the initiation, that much was certain. 

Trouble and Holly lead the little group down to the E1 shuttle port, where they had a shuttle loaded up and ready for the journey up to the surface. Holly began pricking each recruits finger, explaining how it was important to be prepared for any possible situation while up on the surface. 

“As I was told at my initiation, there might be a time when you find yourself out of magic and stuck on the surface.” Holly smiled reassuringly at Corporal Terra; the dwarf was gritting her teeth, not from pain, but anxiety. “During the initiation, we’ll be evaluating on how well you make use of the rest of your skills.” 

“Well, you certainly know a lot about that don’t you, Captain? How many times have you been on a mission an ran out of magic?” Trouble said, smirking as he pulled down the paintball guns from their racks, handing one to each of the six recruits. He sidestepped to avoid a well-aimed punch, but even then, it slightly clipped his shoulder. 

“Alright, what happened to being professional, Commander?” Holly lightly scolded her friend, but she was smirking a bit as well as she headed to the pilot’s seat and strapped herself in. She flexed her fingers as she grabbed the controls, grinning wickedly as she started up the engines. Finally, she was back in her element. Not to mention that this was the newest shuttle model, courtesy of Foaly and Artemis, and she had been dying to take one out for a spin. 

“I would suggest you hurry and strap in. We have a tight schedule today and I’m determined to get us to our destination as quickly as possible. Any objections? No?” 

“Captain… we discussed this-” Trouble began, but he didn’t get a chance to argue any further as Holly revved the engine, prompting him to quickly take his seat in front of the initiates. 

“You all heard the Captain. Buckle up and we’ll get this show on the road!” 

He didn’t have to tell them twice. There were nods all around as the corporals all reached for their seatbelts. Captain Holly Short’s reputation as a hot shot pilot preceded her and none of the fairies assembled wanted to take any risks. 

* * *

As they travelled, Trouble took the time to explain how the initiation was going to be evaluated. Essentially it was just one big game of hide and seek, but with paintball guns. The Commander against everyone else, with Captain Short filming from various locations, so that he could review the footage later before he made final decisions. The Council had suggested he come up with a new process a few years back, but after weeks of debating new ideas, he ultimately decided to stick with what they had already. There was nothing wrong with it, he reasoned. Julius Root had used the same method time and time again and only once had something gone wrong. And even then, it was an abnormal occurrence, given that the Commander's criminally insane brother, Turnball Root, had decided that he was going to attempt to hijack the event. 

In the time that it took for him to explain and to answer several questions, Holly had flown them all to the initiation site. Trouble stood as she landed, continuing to address the girls. "Now that we're here, there's one more thing I wish to tell you about qualifying." He holstered his paintball pistol as he walked to the shuttle door. "There is one way that you can completely avoid the evaluation afterwards…" he paused, taking in the curious expressions of the Corporals. 

He smiled fondly. "In the words of the late Commander Julius Root, 'You tag me before I tag you, and you’re in. No questions asked.' It's not an easy task considering I'm running hot with magic and have decades more experience in the field…" 

Trouble turned to Holly, who had just stood from her chair and picked up her helmet. She approached the group, reaching out and unlatching the shuttle door. With a short nod, the Captain continued on for him. "It won't be easy, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's impossible. Afterall, it has been done before." She gave them a wink before nimbly hopping out of the shuttle and landing on the grass outside. 

Trouble nodded and gestured for the others to follow her lead. "And there you have it. Not impossible, but extremely tricky. Now, you ladies have until I'm out of sight before it begins. Captain Short will start filming then and will be unable to talk to you, so if there are any last questions, feel free to ask them now or forever hold your peace." 

Corporal Bixby raised a pale green hand after tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. Her wings fluttered as she nervously hovered a couple of inches off the grass. Trouble nodded and she spoke, motioning around to their surroundings. "Well… where exactly are we sir? You didn't explain where we were going." 

Trouble exchanged an amused glance with Holly as he leaned against the open doorway of the shuttle. "Indeed, I didn't. For this year's initiation we decided to seek a bit of help from an old friend of ours. He and his family have graciously given us access to their entire grounds, minus the house of course. This is a historical location and there’s plenty of space for all of today’s activities. Don’t get too distracted, though. There might be time for sightseeing later. Captain Short suggested coming here, said it would be fun, to which I agreed to…. Though part of me just thinks she needed an excuse to visit, but that is besides my point." 

Before he could continue though, Corporal Nightshade gasped, her ears perking up. The elf grinned, looking around the wooded area that they were in, as if there were any signs to confirm her theory. “Commander, we’re on the Fowl Manor grounds, aren’t we?” 

Trouble chuckled, an impish spark shining in his eyes as he reached to close the shuttle door. “You’ve got five minutes to prepare yourselves. I’d suggest you get moving, your target won’t be wasting any time when they’re on the run, so neither will I.” With that final remark he closed the door, and after a few moments, he was flying off to another area on the grounds. 

He sat there for a while, reflecting as he gave the corporals plenty of time to get a head start. A few years ago, he would have never thought that one day he’d be Commander, much less so soon. For a while there had been doubts if he would be able to handle the job, despite him practically being the LEP’s golden boy. He was the youngest Commander they’d had in centuries. None of that stopped him from putting his all into the position however. It all went back to words that he had been told time and time again. “It’s not about what’s best for you, it’s about what’s best for the People.” He murmured, finally heading out of the shuttle. 

As he trekked down the hill, he looked up to the clouds and saluted. “This one’s for you, Commander.” Time to make ol’ Beetroot proud. 

* * *

_Craaack!_

Fern Nightshade spun around as a branch snapped behind her, aiming the pistol up into the trees. Already a few hours had passed, and she’d been tagged four times. She was determined not to let it happen again, though it was a bit too late to tag Commander Kelp. No matter that though, she would do everything she could to make it difficult for him. Luckily, the Fowl Manor grounds were extensive, which meant that her and the other recruits could easily spread out enough to get a break while Trouble tracked someone else. 

The elfin corporal narrowed her eyes as she searched the trees for any signs of Kelp, slowly lowering her weapon as she backed up towards a tree. A raised vantage point would be beneficial. She could get a sense of her surroundings and if anyone was coming, hopefully she would see them before they saw her. Fern grunted as she reached up and dug her nails into the side of the tree. As a child, her mother always scolded her for trying to climb the stalactites in Haven, from fear that she would fall and break a bone or worse. Looking back on those memories now, Fern was grateful that she was limber and skilled enough to hoist herself up onto a lower branch. She took a moment to steady herself after she’d clambered to her feet. 

Corporal Nightshade continued to climb, settling into a perch three branches higher than the first. She knelt on the branch, using one hand to steady herself, while the other drew her pistol. She scanned the trees around her. There wasn’t a sound, which she didn’t like. It was far too suspicious. Her instincts told her that it was likely that something, or someone, was following her. Possibly watching her. Fern didn’t like that feeling, it gave her chills. It was part of the job of a Recon officer though. There would be times when the perp has outsmarted you, but what mattered most in that situation was that you overcame it by using your wits. 

Fern turned her head quickly as a shadow darted passed her before promptly disappearing. She gripped her weapon tightly, holding in front of her, preparing to defend herself if necessary. 

_Phhtt…_

The familiar sound didn’t surprise the Corporal and she ducked, just barely avoiding getting smacked in the forehead with a paintball. She recovered quickly, firing four shots into the tree above her. There was a mumbled curse, followed by laughter as Trouble leapt down the branch just above her. He had light blue paint splattered across his chest. Fern was stunned to see that he actually looked impressed. “Excellent aim, Nightshade.” He nodded once and then leapt off the branch, mechanical wings gliding open. Another moment and then he was gone, soaring through the trees. 

Fern shook her head, trying to hold back a grin. “Frond… was that a compliment? From the Commander?” 

* * *

The sun was just beginning to set when Holly sent the signal that the initiation was over. A shrill whistle sounded, amplified by her helmet’s speakers. She flew around the grounds for a few minutes to ensure that all of the recruits heard the sound, before she returned to Trouble. He had found her about twenty minutes before and they had sat by the orange roses, discussing the initiation and the skills of the participating recruits. Trouble thought he had seen enough to make his decisions and sent her off. 

By the time all of the recruits had found their way over to the field of roses, the sky was dark, the only light coming from the stars and full moon. Trouble stood and faced the corporals. He knew they were all exhausted, so he was going to keep it brief. There would be plenty of time to review the results of the initiation later. He was worn out as well, they’d certainly given him a hell of a chase. 

“First off, I’d like to congratulate all of you for bringing your very best and showing me that all of you mean business. It’s a pleasure to see such raw talent coming from the Academy. You all are the future of the LEP, no matter the outcome of tonight.” He smiled and reached for his wallet. “Now, let’s get to it then.” He pulled out four badges, the acorn insignia's gleaming in the moonlight as he tossed them to their respective owners. “Nightshade, Terra, Maddox, Bixby… Welcome to Recon. You’ve shown me you’re all ready and more than qualified. You’ve got what it takes to survive. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

He then turned to the two remaining corporal’s, Maia Ember and Mira Rowan. “You both have what it takes. I know you do. Don’t be discouraged by this. Keep trying and who knows, you could get lucky. Not everyone gets in on their first try.” He went over and clapped them both on the shoulder lightly. 

“I’m truly impressed by all of you. When I was an initiate, we were dropped off in the middle of the Amazon rainforest. I was completely unprepared for the harsh climate. There was a half a dozen of us as well… but only two of us made it into Recon that day. Myself, of course, and the now Major Ash Vein. This group here though…” He laughed. “You ladies are tough. Talented.” 

He looked around at the new Recon officers. “I came out of that initiation having been tagged eight times. It was the record for almost 20 years… Until tonight.” He nodded at Fern. “Nightshade, how many times did I tag you?” 

Fern felt her ears and cheeks burn red as she blushed. “Six, sir. Nearly seven.” She paused, smirking as she started feeling a bit cocky again. “And I got you four times…. Sir.” She quickly added. 

Holly elbowed her best friend in the side. “Four times? Come on Trubs, what would Julius say? Perhaps you are going a bit soft?” She teased lightly. 

Trouble scoffed. “Nonsense, Holly. I’ve still got it. I may not be eighty-five anymore, but I’ve still got it.” 

Holly smirked as she went around to the recruits, handing out sets of wings. Since they were all out during a full moon, it made sense to go ahead and let them go to complete the ritual before heading home. “Uh huh, sure you do. Perhaps you ought to take a few lessons at the Academy. Refresh your skills.” 

He had turned away and was collecting the paintball pistols. “Now Holly,” he chided, looking back to her again. “Not in front of-” 

_Phhtt… Phhtt…_

Trouble took a couple of steps back from the impact and glanced down at the paint on his chest in surprise. He looked back at Holly, who stood with a paintball gun still aimed at him. 

“You were saying, Commander?” She had a mischievous grin on her face that he had seen far too many times. 

“Captain, you’re playing a dangerous game…” He began, barely holding back a grin himself as he drew his own pistol. She’d gotten him. It wasn’t the first time, nor was it the last. 

It only Holly took one look at him to realize what her friend was planning. She shot him once more for good measure, laughed, and took off towards Fowl Manor. Trouble looked at the other officers and motioned to the night. “If there are no other questions, you’re all free to go. Congratulations again.” He added, before taking off after Holly, his shouts becoming indistinguishable after a moment. 

The remaining fairies shared a few glances, before bursting into laughter. No questions were asked. Their superior officers deserved a bit of fun, they reasoned. After all, you couldn’t be professional all the time. One by one they took off into the night, seeking out the nearest magical hotspot. In moments, the only sounds that could be heard was the laughter of two old friends, enjoying their first moments off work in months. Their duties for the day were done and for once, they were taking a moment to truly breathe in the fresh air. Truthfully, no questions needed to be asked to determine whether or not they deserved this moment. Just one look at their past was enough of an answer. 

Trouble came to a stop beside Holly, panting slightly as he caught up to her. She had paused and was gazing up at the moon. He looked to her and she glanced back at him. “Do you think he’s watching? Do you think he’s proud of us?” She asked after a moment, her voice barely a whisper. 

Commander Kelp nodded, looking up at the moon as well. “Yes, I know he is. There’s no question about it.


End file.
